Learning When To Say No. Can you do it?

Tonight I was at a networking meeting and one of the members made a statement about the fact that they have a difficult time saying no. This statement drove me to take a look at my own involvement in groups and made me ponder on whether or not I was able to say no to people when they asked me to participate in another group, join another committee, or volunteer for another cause.

I realized that generally I am not able to say no, so then I wondered why I have such a difficulty. Here are a few of the reasons I came up with on why I have difficulty saying no.

First, I do not want to hurt any one's feelings. I am absolutely flattered that someone would ask me to do something to help out a group, or that they thought of me to join an organization. Obviously, I do not want to offend someone who thought so highly of me.

Second, I do not want to lose business. I'm afraid if I don't join this person's group that they may choose to invite a competitor, or I might offend them for not joining and may lose their existing business.

Third, I am a nurturing person and I feel like I have to help everyone.

Fourth, I am a gluton for punishment and like to drive myself crazy.

I myself have asked people to join groups, and have been told no. Did I stop liking them?
No.
Did I stop doing business with them?
No

I actually respected their ability to prioritize their existing obligations and to be frank with me about it. Just to give you an idea of one response.

"Carlee, I appreciate you thinking of me, I can see that you really take pride in your organization. At this time my plate is very full and I wouldn't want to take away time from any of the other organizations that I am currently involved in. Keep me in mind for the future though and if I become available, I would be interested in learning more about your organization."

The key to this is, "...at this time my plate is very full and I wouldn't want to take away time from any of the other organizations..."

Wow, what a statement. And so true. I would rather someone say no than join and then be completely absent. I find that I am more effective being in involved in fewer organizations, than being in multiple organizations and hardly involved.

Since I had my son, I have had to prioritize my group involvement and let go of some of my memberships. I do believe that I have become a better networker, a better listener, and a better friend since I have done this. Plus, since I am not spreading myself as thin, I feel more fulfilled from my interactions, and I get better leads because people actually get to know me. What is funny is the people who did business with me before, still do and I have even gained a few who didn't. I still will probably have difficulty saying no the next time someone asks me to do something, but if I really look at the situation and hold my ground, I will be respecting their organization, and my time.


I would be interested in knowing how you say no. And if you can't say no, has this blog been helpful for you.